LEARN · 04 / FOR ALLIES

5 MIN READ

Start by believing.

The single most protective thing another adult can do is believe a survivor on the first telling. Don’t interrogate. Don’t ask for proof. Don’t ask “why didn’t you leave?” That question is the one you came here to stop asking.

Don’t strategize first. Listen first.

Even if you are an attorney, a therapist, a cop, a nurse: lead with listening. Strategy shared too early feels like one more person telling the survivor what to do. The survivor is the strategist. You are the resource they pull from.

Keep showing up.

Leaving an abuser is a process, not a door. A friend may leave and return several times. Stay. Your long-term consistency is more protective than any single intervention.

What to actually say.

• “I believe you.”
• “You don’t have to decide anything today.”
• “I’m not going anywhere.”
• “Do you want me to hold onto something for you?” (papers, meds, a go-bag)
• “Here’s a hotline, but only if you want it right now.” 310-547-9343

What not to say.

• “If I were you, I would…”
• “Why don’t you just leave?”
• “But they seem so nice.”
• “The kids need their father / mother.”

When to skip the conversation and call 911.

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